new year, new me!

no but, can you imagine? el oh el. do i even have resolutions? i think you're supposed to set them in the end of the year just gone. my resolutions would be the same regardless of the date, though: exercise more, get stable housing, drink more water, journal more.

i'm starting the year off with new sunscreen. even though the sunscreen i normally wear works very well, it can be very greasy and i end up looking dipped in oil after one reapplication. seems to be a problem with sunscreen and my skin generally, so i've stuck with cancer council moisturising sunscreens since they seem to leave my skin better than they found it and are incredibly effective. the one i tried this morning is the water resistant daily moisturiser [link] and what i can comment on after an hour of use is that, as promised, it dried down matte. which on my oily skin is basically a satin finish. my skin also didn't react with itching or flushing or burning, which is unsurprising as cancer council products tend to have fairly gentle formulations.

i only applied it to my face, and just used my regular sunscreen for the rest of my neck and body since the face tubes are naturally a bit pricier than the bulk bottles and i don't care so much about the shine.

i'm very panicky today. so much, in fact, that it was a struggle to even sit up in bed. luckily for me, i downloaded a focus app that blocks social media and mobile games, so doomscrolling isn't an option until midday. that's why i'm on my computer, writing a blog post.

i think i finally understand what "it's not about motivation" means. i wasn't motivated to get on here and spill my terrible, barely organised thoughts. i just have nothing easier to do. as a result, i have been marginally more productive than if i could scroll through hundreds of posts in an hour and absorb none of them.

i don't know how i feel about this realisation. maybe i'll go for a run. probably not, though.

accidentally got sunscreen in my eye this morning and my god, the stinging. i want to run around the house screaming "ouchies".

today i have to go shopping for the things i need to live. food, cat treats.

i don't really want to do that.

you know what's fun? appending .html to all of your formerly unbroken links. yeah. that's great. webmastery is such a cool hobby.

it feels like i don't really know what i'm doing with this site. maybe that's because i can't figure out a mobile layout yet.

i think i know the direction for this site now. i think i want to start writing again, i think i want to start curating lists for fun again.

so far i have applied to 5 apartments and gotten none of them. that's to be expected. i think i'm going to start going in full business dress to inspections.

i came home from some depressing apartment inspections yesterday and proceeded to spend my waking time updating every single page on this site.

a lot of it will be very broken right now. that's fine. i just need them to all have the same format.

the next big overhaul is the one i'm most excited about.

i'm looking forward to adding the layout features i want, that aren't currently in the stylesheet, and going from having a functional website to a usable one.

of course i'm going to shout from the rooftops when it's done.

after spending hours getting this site functional, and slowly beginning to populate the pages with my interests again... i find a broken image that i forgot to check.

good to know that recklessness has consequences.

exciting news: i think this site is finally complete enough to start adding back articles and hopefully the store.

articles are really the passion part of this passion project, but i really want to have a small store because it brings me great joy to tell people "i am the proud owner of a trash store".

at the moment i'm still having to sit at my desktop running vsc to write updates and new pages, but i'm hoping to eventually be able to update just individual pages like the blog, or adding new pages, just on a tablet since i'm often in transit. usually for medical appointments, often family.

also i've still been pretty unsuccessful applying to apartments so i'm trying to minimise my workspace so that i can travel with it. couchsurfing is way less tolerated when you set up an entire hotel room in someone's loungeroom. and besides, i really don't want to do that.

i'm also trying to enable adsense in a vain attempt to recoup hosting costs, but approval is an ongoing battle. i don't know that i fully understand the nuances of the code choices.

some new news, i put my computer back into a rolling mini-desk setup. two monitors, one suffering pc. i even upgraded my mouse with christmas present money.

in looking over my list of played games, i've had a revelation i've decided that i want to actually talk about the games in a more meaningful way than just a list of stats. like, why did i get into gaming? what do i look forward to? what challenges me? basic shit like that.

database control is so good. i am having so much fun.

here's hoping the public and social housing list comes through in less than a month, since i get rejected from basically every apartment i apply to due to my income source being government benefits. like, i'm sorry for being born with disabilities? i just want a room that i can lock without sharing with other people, with a kitchen and a bathroom.

i've stopped even caring about close to public transport, if i can walk half an hour i'm counting it. but even that's apparently out of my price range. it's fine. i'll just obsess over this site more.

some hope on the horizon. more inspections tomorrow, but also some response from the real estate agents.

it shouldn't be thrilling to get an actual reply from a human, but this is the day and age we live in. i suppose.

so i'm starting a new fallout 76 character.

my god, i forgot how good vyvanse naps are. i took my usual dose, having not had any for about a week and a half due to fucking up my sleep cycle, and i fully expected to be up all day and the next day. nope, knocked out within ten minutes and slept for four hours. which is an oversleep of an hour for this morning, but it's fine.

i'm feeling pretty good today. this site is finally proving to be stable, my confidence in maintaining the code is improving, and i might actually find a place to live before march.

the only thing i'm nervous about is community obligations on the weekend, taking away precious inspection timeslots.

in the current state of housing, you don't have a chance without attending inspections and having all your paperwork ready to go day-of or even before. it's zapped my energy, because leaving the house and making appropriate small talk with the real estate agent and my dozen fellow applicants is not playing nice with my certified anxiety. also i've been making more jokes about being certified mentally ill, which i know is a coping strategy for when the anxiety is spiking again.

thankfully, we have blood pressure meds and loads of salt for days like these.