07/07/2025
this isn't the first journal entry of the month on paper, but it is online since i haven't updated in a bit.
because of this lack of updates, i might check that nothing on the site is broken, might add a new page, and update the journal another day.
02/07/25
doctor's appointment tomorrow. i'm hoping to get some answers around the internal structures of my (redacted).
it's been raining nonstop, but i put off getting my meds till today so now i have to go down the street in the rain.
yes i'm mad at myself.
03/07/25
creative australia's third-party review into the venice biennale backflip went public last night. for once in my life, i am optimistic about it. the conclusions are possibly. possibly. a good thing for governance, management, and workplace culture overall.
i think perhaps i'm particularly interested in these things because the world going to hell seems to be uprooting traditional (read: existing) hierarchies in favour of more hyper-controlling ones.
i have been thinking about this youtube video essay about defining fascism, and as such have been reading articles like this one to try to clarify my own position on the political climate we are living through.
04/07
BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO NERVE?!??!?!?!?!
05/07/2025
weird dreams. the name gethen stuck with me, i wrote it down when i woke up.
i also wrote "interactive poll titled 'opinions'", but i think that's something to do with this blog.
if i had to guess, i'd say i wanted to create a poll with a bunch of different statements and just see which ones resonated with visitors over time. my current desire is to jot down a bunch of the more relatable intrusive thoughts i have and make them poll options. but that would require javascript, and i've barely finished my phase of completely breaking this site with badly placed html.
06/07/2025
period period go away, i swear i only skipped one (1) day.
i have learned that gel pens don't like to go fast.
08/07/25
rewriting digital journal entries from paper journal entries is hard. but that's okay! found out that i forgot to close the div tags in june and the last few entries were squished together. not sure i'm even going to update june from the papers, july is hard enough and i've not even skipped a full week.
at the moment the thing that seems to be getting me up for the day is a technique i refer to as stim napping.
how this works is i wake myself up a couple of hours early, take all my meds for the day, which include a stimulant, and immediately go the fuck back to sleep.
you may have noticed the embed up the top of this entry. i've started listening to speedcore and extratone.
no real reason, just feels comforting somehow. i've been jamming a lot of diabarha and coakira, but i'm looking to branch out into melodic extratone or dark speedcore. my ideal genre is industrial but hyper fast.
09/07/2025
finally getting my shit together and updating the blog. sort of. yesterday's tantrum is relevant, i think it is a good idea to only backfill this month for now. that may change in the future.
gotta update the site again, not for any financial or external deadline reason—i'm just really struggling with motivation lately. i did drag my carcass out of bed to see a friend last week, then i got hit with an early period. i said i'd go visit my mother, which i didn't do because the period was a painful one.
i'm not even really consistent with journalling, the days not filled in are represented with an old-school emoticon or a scribble since i'm forcing myself to maintain this one thing. handwriting is also harder than i thought it would be. that's partly because i have a terrible pen grip, which hurts my hand, and in larger part because i don't write enough.
turns out muscle control isn't a permanent thing, rather an ongoing practice. i guess it's a sign that if i want to nurture creativity in myself, i have to actually feed it.
10/07/2025
trying to figure out how to use only css and html to make my image gallery click-through-friendly. i'm currently losing.
there's rumours one can put them inside buttons, for a css-only way, but i don't seem to be able to code buttons.
this is 100% an id10t problem. i have to try harder. please don't make me learn js.