19/02/2024
it seems like it takes so very little to tip my anxiety so far over the edge i lose entire weeks to simply binge eating and watching food science videos on youtube.
i have indigestion and i weigh 50kg and everything hurts
not to sound fucking sick but i'm glad i managed to pick up an exercise addiction as my purge of choice before dropping thousands to fix my teeth, i don't think i could handle another abscessed tooth. and i'm definitely way too old to be passed out in the bathtub. cannot imagine the back pain.
anyways. time to go out and pretend to be a human again, i guess. fucking let me die.
21/02/2024
centrelink does phone appointments ever since the pando first hit, and this is probably a good thing but the anxiety it gives me is unreal. i have so much trouble processing voices and conversation over the phone.
i haven't felt able to do anything for a fortnight or more and i don't understand why. i've only been able to eat a single meal a day, and it gives me indigestion every time. i think i might just stop eating if it gets too bad.
i want to buy a line to aspirate my stomach contents with, but i know this is a disordered thought and would make my stomach/gut issues worse. also medical supplies are expensive. but it's mostly the stomach issues stopping me at the moment.
funny, isn't it? i'm usually flat broke but i can always find the money for things by not eating or going out, or by cutting my electricity use. one of the upsides of being terrified to start a line of credit is never being in debt, so my money is always mine to spend, i guess.