14/06/2023
so my dumbass needs a hobby because i am spiralling. this site will change as i get better at whatever i'm doing here, but this blog will at least be some kind of record of ... progress? descent into insanity? we'll fucking see, but i think this is how i stave off madness.
i was like thirteen last time this shit was cool so makes sense i'd come back here, you know?
i have been interested in the web revival movement for a while but i started this site literally today because on sunday at around 1am i weighed myself and the number is haunting me so badly that i decided to get drunk about it, then walk across the city while still drinking about it, and woke up in hospital with a 20ga in my arm and bruises everywhere. i think when i figure out how to put a gallery i'll share the pictures i took when my roommate started asking why the fuck my ass wasn't at home for two whole days.
the number that's haunting me? i have this one obsessive quirk where i associate round numbers with things going bad, like how spirals are round. and scars heal with rounded edges. so the scale won't stop returning to 44.4kg(kilograms) and it's freaking me out. i'm going to start weighing myself in lb (pounds). maybe i'll switch back if i fall either above 99 or below 90 but i'm not sure yet.
15/06/2023
don't know. everything feels terrible. probably isn't. currently super annoyed by my roommate's boyfriend. i want to leave.
16/06/2023
feeling better today. putting a bunch of graphics on the tumbles and on here. probably going to play a game later. which? who knows. not me.
18/06/2023
feeling like a nightmare but a motivated one.
20/06/2023
that's twice this week that the boyfriend's kitchen habits have caused me to throw up. the first was liquid smoke in the pressure cooker and the second was clearing the sink of all the fucking dirty dishes with uncleared food that he doesn't clean up. it makes me feel sick and puts me off eating. but he doesn't clean it because my roommate doesn't do kitchen stuff so doesn't get annoyed at him for it.